girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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