Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
