If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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