She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
