I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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