VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
