Your tits are I can't wait for
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
