Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
