He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
