My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize