he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
me + whiskey = a bad person
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
