my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
