literally had 100 drinks last night.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
