so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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