So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize