Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
