I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
