We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
