I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
