the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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