dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
