I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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