There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize