i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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