I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
