he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
