If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
