I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
