There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Send help, water and tortillas.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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