I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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