I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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