I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize