so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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