She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
