so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
