I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
