Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
