I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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