ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
porn star boner night. come get it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
