dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize