you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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