it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
