He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
