I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
