she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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