i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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