I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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