Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
