watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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