Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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