I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
