I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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