i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
