I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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