also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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