you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
