My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
