Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Come share oat with me in your robe
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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