yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
