Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
