We're like a lot better than the average bears
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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