great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
