Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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