put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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