If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
