Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
