i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize