We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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