Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
