the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
