does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
