The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
