I feel like abortions should bother me more
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
