This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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