To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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