I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
