He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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