i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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