i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
