i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
