Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
