she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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