I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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