he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
