An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
