someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
