As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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