Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
