I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
