she was so not down for the gang bang
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I smell like Dick and happiness
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