I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
