just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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