You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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