The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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