oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
