I wannas sexs uuuuu
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just invented taco cereal.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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