Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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