Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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