i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina is very pro this idea
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
