She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
