Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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