Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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